Esther 1 SOAP: Respect your husband’s wishes

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6 responses to “Esther 1 SOAP: Respect your husband’s wishes”

1. 

   Amy @ MomsToolbox

   July 11, 2012

   Thanks for all your perspectives here.
   I love that the Bible is able to share relevant messages for all of us and for each of us… It truly is God’s Word!
   This passage was a good reminder to me in my life with my husband, who is a loving, generous husband. And, as I mentioned in my prayer, it also reminded me to pray for such a husband for my daughter.

   Reply
2. 

   Birminghamhub

   July 11, 2012

   Dear Karen & Amy:

   A husband is head of his wife and the family leader. However, far too
   many husbands have misused their God given authority for selfish
   and/or sinful reasons. Although the Bible teaches us to submit to
   those in authority over us, God does not want us to submit or follow
   sinful, destructive or foolish behavior. Several examples illustrate
   that for us.

   The King commanded that there would be no prayer for 30 days, yet
   Daniel refused to stop praying to God. As a result, he was thrown in
   the lion’s den. How do we know God was pleased with Daniel’s refusal
   to submit to sin? God made sure that Daniel was kept from harm while
   in the lion’s den, and God made Daniel prosperous. (Daniel chapter 6)

   Hebrew boys refused to bow to an idol – king’s golden statue. As a
   result, they were thrown into the fiery furnace. How do we know God
   was pleased with their refusal to submit to sin? God didn’t allow the
   flames to burn them. THEIR REFUSAL TO SUBMIT TO THE KING’S FOOLISH
   CAUSED THE KING HIMSELF TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND HONOR GOD, and the king
   gave them promotions (Daniel chapter 3).

   Midwives refused to obey the king’s command and kill baby boys. We
   know God was pleased with their refusal to submit to sin because God
   was kind to the midwives…because the midwives feared God, he gave them
   families of their own (Exodus 1:15-22).

   Peter and John refused to stop teaching and preaching about Jesus. As
   a result of their refusal, they were jailed and beaten. Their
   punishment was more severe than those listed in OT because they
   suffered physical harm. We know God was pleased with their refusal to
   submit to sin because He allowed their lives to be spared, and they
   continued to preach the gospel of Christ (Acts 5:17-29).

   These are just a few examples of Godly people who refused to submit to
   sinful, destructive, or foolish behaviors. There are many others.
   WIVES ARE NO EXCEPTION!

   Abigail refused to submit to her husband’s foolishness. Her husband’s
   very name – Nabal – meant FOOL. Although she was not able to save her
   husband’s life, her wise actions and refusal to submit to his
   foolishness caused the lives of others in her house to be spared. King
   David himself recognized her wisdom. After her foolish husband died,
   David made her his wife( 1 Sam chapter 25).

   Sapphira foolishly submitted to her husband’s lies, and followed him
   right to the grave. She should have learned from Abigail’s wise
   example. Sapphira’s poor example teaches wives what not to do. She
   died a fool’s death (Acts 5:1-11).

   These Biblical examples teach us that God does not want us to submit
   or follow authority in sinful, destructive, or foolish behavior.

   Partaking in another person’s sin, foolishness, or destructive
   behavior is counterproductive and has never caused anyone to come to
   Christ. If anything, it promotes hypocrisy. Godly people in the Bible
   never committed or followed sin, foolishness or destructive behaviors
   as a means of soul wining or edification.

   GOD DOES WANT WIVES TO SUBMIT TO AND HELP THEIR OWN HUSBANDS!
   However, he does not want wives or anyone to submit or follow sinful,
   foolish or destructive behaviors. Submitting to such behaviors is not
   helpful or Biblical.

   Reply
   1. 

      Ozarkmom24

      July 28, 2012

      Excellent comment.

      Reply
3. 

   Karen Kedwards

   July 11, 2012

   Your comments hit me in the heart! This is an area I have a very difficult time with as I don’t always agree with my husband’s requests. God has really been working with me in this area and I have found it is so much easier to just do what I am asked! I have greater peace and the atmosphere of our home is considerably calmer. Do I agree with everything my husband asks me to do — NO. However, if I was honest, my hesitation has to do with control — not the level of “inappropriateness.” First and foremost, I am responsible for MY actions; and I agree my actions are to respect and honor my husband.

   We do not know how God may have intervened on Vashti’s behalf — had she obeyed her husband. Scripture does not indicate that she “sought God in her decision.”

   I think there is a balance to be found here — but the bottom line is we are to honor and respect our husbands. I confess I am not always good about that and am asking God to help me.

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4. 

   Hannah C.

   July 10, 2012

   While I think your application is probably Biblically sound based on other passages, I don’t think it’s at all accurate as an application drawn from this particular passage. Xerxes was an ungodly man, and was possibly asking his wife to appear naked before his friends. If that wasn’t the case, it was still a drunken party, and in that culture women were usually separate from the men at social events, if I remember correctly. She may have done the RIGHT thing in refusing! Xerxes and Esther’s marriage relationship is also far from being able to be an example to us today – he had multiple concubines, and she had to wait outside the door when she visited uninvited and hope that he wouldn’t *HAVE HER EXECUTED* if she went inside. This blog post by Rachel Held Evans explains this further. http://rachelheldevans.com/esther-and-vashti

   Women are not asked to honor ungodly requests by their husbands. God’s law trumps man’s requests.

   Reply
5. 

   Birminghamhub

   July 10, 2012

   As mothers we have to be so careful what we teach our children. Perhaps more often than not, Vashti gets a bad rap. Unfortunately, she has become the poster child that many folks use to encourage wives to submit to sin, foolishness, or destructive behavior. They place all of the responsibility to submit on the wife’s shoulders. Yet, they place little to no responsibility on the husband to
   (1) submit to God
   (2) love his wife like Christ loved the church and died for it.

   The idea of a wife submitting to her husband was not a new one. It had been taught from Genesis throughout the Bible. When Paul taught about a wife’s duty to submit to her husband, he was merely recapping an age old teaching. However, he had to spell it out for husbands. (Ephesians 5:25-32) This was a revolutionary concept for husbands. It had never been taught like that before. Some might say “love your neighbor as yourself” had been taught before (Luke 10:27). But that was the problem. Husbands were expressing love for their neighbors outside of the home, while regarding their wives as mere maids and sex objects.

   The king did this to Vashti. She refused to submit to his foolish and drunken request.
   Jewish tradition says that he instructed her to appear nude. We can’t be sure whether he requested her nude or not. Either way, asking her to flaunt her beauty in the presence of other drunken men was not modest (Matt 5:28, Ex 20:17, Deut 5:21). She valued modesty and would not promote lustfulness. She believed that a wife’s beauty should be reserved for her husband only. The king’s friends were angered by her refusal and encouraged him to exile her, and he did.

   This is a prime example of how many husbands use their position of power to abuse defenseless wives. It’s also an example of how many husbands express love for their neighbors and friends outside the home, while treating their wives with utter cruelty. This is a perfect example of why Paul needed to spell out (Ephesians 5:25-32) for husbands.

   Bathsheba – another woman who had been the victim of a king’s abuse of power – gave Solomon this wise advice:

   It is not for kings, O Lemuel, to guzzle wine. Rulers should not crave alcohol. For if they drink, they may forget the law and not give justice to the oppressed (Pro 31:4-5).

   That’s exactly what happened between Vashti and the King. He got drunk and forgot his duty to love, honor, and protect his wife.

   As a result of Vashti’s refusal, she was banished. Sometimes, bad things happen when you take a stand. Vashti’s hardship is similar to that of Uriah. Uriah was a loyal military man. He refused to go home and sleep with his wife because of his commitment to his army. Uriah was actually more committed at that time than David because David took a day off to commit adultery. Although Uriah took an honorable stand, he was still killed. Although Uriah was killed, God still used the incident for his glory. Solomon became one of the wisest kings to ever live. This is no different from how the book of Esther unfolds. God uses an unfortunate tragedy to accomplish his plans.

   Like David, Ashasuerus had some redemptive qualities. That’s why God used him and gave him a second chance. He was remorseful for the way he had treated Vashti. He learned from his mistakes and treated Esther better than he treated Vashti. He also made a decree with Haman to kill the Jews. When he realized how egregious that decree was, he rectified it. He did in that situation what he had failed to do concerning Vashti. This is an admirable quality. Ashasuerus learned from his past mistakes.

   There are some many other relevant themes within this text that many commentators fail to deal with like alcoholism, substance abuse and/or sexual immorality within marriage.
   Unfortunately, far too many women are married to alcoholic, drug addicted or porn addicted husbands. What happened between Vashti and the King could easily be used to try to convince wives to enable, support and/or excuse their husband’s addiction. Far too many lives, families and marriages have been destroyed as a result of addiction.

   Another theme commentators fail to address is outward beauty. We live in a culture much like Vashti’s and Esther’s. Young girls and women are taught that their only valuable trait is how they look on the outside – how pretty or not pretty they are. While outward beauty is nice, the Bible tells us that it is fleeting (Pro 31:30-31) and that the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is much more important (1 Pet 3:3-5). As Christians, we must teach our girls/women the importance of this type of beauty. We must teach our boys/men the importance of appreciating inward beauty and not just the outward beauty of their spouse. Else they will do as Vashti’s husband did and choose another wife, when the wife they have is no longer pleasing to them.

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